the year is coming to an end!! the good news is...i have found a job. =)

*pats on me shoulder, mate*(==> trying to get myself used to the aussie slang. so i won't b an outcast should there be a need when i have to go to an aussie uni)

***

i have always been a free-thinker. i respect all religions but i have yet to put total faith in any yet. Christianity is one of the few religions that overwhelms me. i have been to churches since young. it was definitely an eye-opener on my first visit to a church(i was in pri4). up till this day, every visit to the church has never failed to amaze me.

the immensity of faith placed by the followers on God is so great that it can be sometimes very bewildering and very overwhelming. i do not doubt the existence of God, neither do i have strong faith in Him.

today is the 4th service i have been to in my entire life. it is the first time, however, that i am attending service at ron's church. it was a youth service so it wasn't boring at all.(i can assure you on that ;D) attended an adult service before and sorry to say, i almost dozed off. >.<

everyone started off with singing songs. songs dedicated to to God. harmonious it may be, but at a particular verse, i was totally dumbfounded by the scene before me.

"there is no higher calling,"

"no greater honour,"

"than to bow and kneel,"

"before the throne."

(i think it went something like that, sorry if i get it wrong)

at this particular verse, a few people around me and a singer on stage knelt down immediately, with their heads buried between their knees. (where can you ever find such faith???)

even ron knelt down when we sang this verse for the 3rd time. o.O

it maybe just a song to me, a song written to praise the Lord. but to His followers it was more than a song, it was a connection, a bond.

i wasn't singing because the songs were very new to me. and i wasn't quite sure about myself at one point of the time when everyone else was singing. i felt like i was going to cry. i wasn't sure if it was the workings of God but i just felt really lonely, despite the hall of singing followers. (was i actually touched by their faith??)

actually, this isn't the 1st time i'm witnessing such events. no big fuss actually. there was once when ron invited me and sus to FOP(FestivalOfPraise). an annual event held at the indoor stadium for Christians to come together to celebrate their religion. the enthusiasm bursting from within and that passion for Lord are really overwhelming(sorry for the lack of vocabulary but that is the best word to describe how i felt).

at the youth service today, someone was sharing her experience with God, how God had made an impact in her life. to be frank, my belief in the existence of God started off very long ago. (i think it was during pri5 or 6) i experienced God for the first time in my life. it was during a mid-year exam. mathematics, to be exact. during those times, completing a paper in the given time was a little tough. i was rushing. but it was nothing compared to pressure i was facing from the blanks that were constantly appearing in my papers. i did not know how to do most of the problem sums. (almost had a nervous breakdown)

i prayed and He answered. i scored 98/100.

***

dedicated to ron: it is not that i don't believe. it's just that i'm not ready.