haa.
thx to evry1's concern.
love ya ppl out there cos even at worst times, u all were stil by my side.
all of a sudden i reli miss ahs
ppl say u nvr miss or tink abt someone or something until it is gone.
n now tt i have left ahs i reli miss the dear old place.
miss the environment.
miss the teachers.
miss my frens.
=( cries.
i miss those times when ahs is such a condusive environment.
i use to tink i knew myself but now i dun.
now i duno wad i reli wan.
thot i could work under stress but i realise i was so wrong.
stress nvr work for me in mjc.
broke down a few times alr.
the teachers nvr did try to understand the students.
they only noe all the shit talk.
they all tink they had halos on their heads and as if they were sent from heaven as saviours to save us.
over my dead body. pukes.
they just make sch feel more like hell.
i got reli depressed.
n when i get depressed i cant study.
n when i cant study, my grades go tumbling.
n when my grades go tumbling, my teachers n my mum starts to nag.
[pressure=>depressed]
it's all a vicious cycle.
hate the environment hate tis place.
makes me wana cry each time i thot abt sch work.
i reli dun wish to give a damn but can i??
hu is to ans to my agony?
hu is to tell me wad i'm suppose to do?
suicide is nvr an option for me.
but perhaps one day it might b?

***

today the gp teach wanted to c me.
i din reli mind so wth i went to c her.
some crap talk tt lasted abt 5min.
she said tt she was gonna c my parents during mtps.
n she said how is she gonna tell my parents abt my results then??
without embarassing me.
i was like wth???!!
i freaking PASS my gp n here she is w some bullshit!
cut the crap missy.
i pass my gp so tt's the end of the line.
your job is done.
ok perhaps u din quite catch tt, your job is done! as in D-O-N-E!!
get it??
so i told her.
just tell them in wadeva way she like.
[i dun care]
my father is the one going.
it's not tt he doesnt care abt my studies.
he does but somehow i tink he noes tt i did try so he din push me harder.
unlike my mum.
she just dun understand.
the teachers dun understand either.
sometimes i just wan to break down in front of them to show them my displeasure but wad can i do??
i'm in sch...hello??!

***

so it's like there's no one i can reli confide into.
sorry pa for being so rude the other day.
it was late at night he ask me to slp early.
din ans him.
then he popped a random qn n asked how was i coping in sch?
he nvr showed such concern.
i was pissed abt hw tt day n not being able to slp early so i said," so wad if sch is tough?? wad can i do? i stil have to continue, it's not as if there's anyone to help me."
then my pa got pissed cos he asked out of concern n i was being reli rude.
i'm sorry.
i know tt he cares. =) thanks pa.
then on another day he told me tt i reli must study hard.
cos he said when he was young he didnt work hard n he ended getting sick of studying bcos he couldnt understand so he kinda gave up on his studies.
he told me to work hard n tt i shud try to understand my work so tt i wun have to work as hard as him to earn big bucks.
n it's not as if he's earning a lot.
i know he cares.
my mum cares too tt's y she keeps pressing me to go for tuition.
but now she doesnt cos she knows tt i din wan it.
ok i love my parents. aww...
they just wish tt i would work hard now so that i wun have to work as hard in future.
but i realise i'm reli brain-drained.
evryting just keeps coming in n going out. nthg stays.

***

no one to turn to.
no where to go.
cant possibly break down in front of my frens n tell them i hate sch the moment i c them rite??
tt wld b like lol.
if i reli do so.
i wld b crying evry single day.
i will try to work hard.
so ppl ard me,
PLEASE as in reli PLEASE if u r considering to confront me abt working hard in my studies.
please dun.
cos u r not me.
n u will definitely not noe wad i'm going thru.
thx for the concern anw. =)

[may God bless 06S304 to promote as a WHOLE class =D]