feeling super sympathetic for myself.
can't find the vibe to perk myself up.
feeling so very much like a L-O-S-E-R.
LOSER!

***

i've told somebody, "i've been waiting for this opportunity for the past 18years of my life, so another few more months of waiting doesn't really matter."
true enough. but what will happen to me after those waiting.
if my wait was worthwhile, so be it.
what if my wait turns out to be futile??
does that mean that for the past 18years and countless months, all my waiting have come to nought??

***

this time round, i'm not going to place my hopes up so high.
it hurts when i fall back down.
no support. no cushion. no backup.
seriously...if it turns out not the way i want it to be.
i really have NO backup. no backup plan, that is.
will poly be the way out??(disclaimer: not saying that poly is not a good option but i'll need to spend more time to eventually get to where i want to be.)
or perhaps i can consider retaking my Alevs??

***

the fact that i couldn't secure myself a place in the local uni has come to me as a major hit.
the impact of the whole matter is subsiding but when reminded, it still hurts.
i was rather amazed when i realise that i could still tear over this matter.
i thought i had gotten over it.
indeed, that time was the hardest that i've ever cried for as long as i lived.
i didn't know that Architecture meant so much to me.
maybe it wasn't Archi, perhaps the impact came from the fact that i couldn't get into the local uni.(does NIE count??)

***

not being able to enter local uni had never came across my mind, until i entered JC.
wrong step taken lead dire consequences.
i did not heed His calling when i was in JC1.
i should have gone to poly instead. at least i would be a lot happier than being in JC.
JC life has scarred me---for an eternity.