hatred appears in every chapter of my book.
but vengeance does not.
as i will bring it away with me into the nether world.

***

karen--teardrop of the ocean
me--light in the night

***

[emptiness]

***

ask not my results.
ask not my feelings.
ask not my agony.
ask not my past.
ask not my present.
ask not my future.
ask not what i have.
because i have nothing.

***

someone told me that whenever we cry, our brain shrinks by 30%.
if that was true my brain would have been the size of a pea by now.
my brain cells die off faster than it could grow.
i am sorry brain.
i couldn't help it.
my head feels light n empty.
must have been the brain size.
i will not regret my decision.
i have tried.
now i know that it just wasn't the place for me.
i was never meant to be there.
i was so wrong to even think that i would excel in that place.
now i know, i am wrong.
so even if i stayed, i know my own limits.
i am sorry for feeling this way.
i am sorry for hating people who lied to me.
i wonder to myself, "why did i even bother when i was going to leave?"
today, i had the strongest urge ever to leave this wretched place.
the place that had ruined me.
the place that had taken away any hope that i ever had from me.
morale: (-ve) infinity